apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize