either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
