were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
