Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
