ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
