where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
