Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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