whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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