I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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