It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize