i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize