Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
