I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
