I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
