Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
