whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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