I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
