I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
