She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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