My first STD was from a foam party
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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