How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
