Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
