Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
