I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She bit a glass in half.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
