So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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