glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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