playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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