Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
