I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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