mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
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