You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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