Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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