His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
