i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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