3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My dick has a subreddit
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
