he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
