those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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