yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
why do cheetos always look like penises
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
