i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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