I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
