I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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