It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
40s are totally the cure
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
