I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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