My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
