You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
a search helicopter?!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
