thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
