tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
