Can Purell be used as lube?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
NoShamevember. You game?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
