I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
