The maid of honor just puked.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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