I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
