I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You made out with two different species that night
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
