She just used a chaser for red wine.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
