i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
