Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
