So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
