White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
