drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The air was thick with penises
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
