just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
