We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
