I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
two words...techno handjob
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Randomize
