she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
