hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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