Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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