I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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