I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
