Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
