how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
