I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
