Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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