Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
