I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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