she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
