the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize