she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
What a dumb baby whore.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
