After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Let's get the cat blown out
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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