im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
