I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
