I must be too annoying 4 u.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
