I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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