I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
