Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
