I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I wear drunk well.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
