i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
