Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
